this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
