2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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