The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
