They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
