I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
