Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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