cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
