I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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