Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
