look no pants
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
