Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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