on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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