I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
