When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
