When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
