he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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