Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
