Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
