I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
