the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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