Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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