They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
