Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
