420 ftw
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
