Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
