You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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