Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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