I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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