last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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