He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
