yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In America we eat man semen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
