I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
