is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
