i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
