Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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