Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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