I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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