Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
