the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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