he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
