i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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