I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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