Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
