I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
