She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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