did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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