Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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