i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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