She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
