Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Found your dick twin last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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