Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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